Frimples
by Stalker Fudge
Summary: Sawyer/Kate. The past comes back to haunt Sawyer and Kate's future in a very real way. Will they be able to rise above the ashes, or will they be lost forever in the fall?


**Title: Frimples  
Rating: PG-13  
Pairing: Sawyer/Kate  
Summary: Takes place a few months after 'He Has You'. Kate is with Sawyer now and everything seems to be going smoothly. But then she starts getting sick again, and she knows she can't hide it from Sawyer the way she hid it from Jack. Can they face the demons of the past that come to haunt them?  
Author's Notes/Disclaimer: I have rewritten this because I don't really like my old writing style anymore, but I like this story. That being said, there is a story that gives background on this, but I didn't rewrite that one, so if you choose to read it, keep in mind the quality isn't going to touch this one. -- Oh and also, I don't own Lost.  
****I have an **_**amazing**_** Beta in JellybeanPie – the irreplaceable Jules. :) **

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A cry of agony escaped her lips and the tears eclipsed her emerald eyes - their signature sparkle gone, an oblique gray replacing green. A few rebels spilled from the corners and trickled down her smooth skin. The tears felt as if they were burning tracks into her face, staining her forever with irrevocable scars. Ever more tears fell in stunned silence and she was too shocked to even let any of those sobs that built up in her chest escape into the eerie quietness of the air. She felt as if her heart were about to give way, crumple inward, the pain took over every sense.

The pain and the fear now that he had left her there, completely alone, was almost blinding. She had never liked being left alone. She had never before accepted it. She had always pushed and gotten herself into every trek and adventure coming down the pike. But not this time. This time when Sawyer had leaned close and whispered that he was worried about her, scared for what would happen if she were to go into the woods with them, she had bitten her lip and nodded him off. Kate had stood back and watched them leaving her behind. She hadn't felt like it was a choice at the time. She hadn't been expecting to see Jack coming towards her now with that look on his face, blood all over himself. Not his blood though, Jack was fine.

Sawyer wasn't.

"No!"

Her screams ripped through her entire body, incinerating her insides. She was hollow with the raging fire destroying anything that had ever existed to make her the person that she'd become. Her very soul was scorched and she felt it give way, accepting the dark nothingness as she sunk down to her knees, Sawyer's bloodstained shirt in her hands now, the only thing that Jack had brought back to her. The only thing left of the man who had sworn to love and protect her from all kinds of hurt. How she wanted so desperately to hate him now for his failed promises, but she felt incapable of hatred or love. The only emotion that existed was the burning sensation of pain inside her.

"Sa-Saw-James...." She sobbed out, her voice completely agonized as her entire body shook with the tremors of shock, hands tightly clutching at the material of his shirt, her knuckles white as her skin stretched and strained against the bone, all circulation in her fingers were gone and they were freezing cold despite the fire that seethed on.

Strong arms wrapped around her and she was too weak to push them off, even as she reached up and tried to shove back. She only managed to collapse, knees giving way beneath her, crumpling into his arms as he began to support her weight against his warm chest, his fingers stroking through her hair, supporting her and through the fog. Her consciousness had taken notice of the fact that she was suddenly being held up on her feet without being lifted from her spot buckled on the ground, the consistency wasn't there. A soft warm surface under her hands rather than the bloodied material and then it began to click. Kate's arms moved to wrap tightly around him, her entire body shaking as she finally let loose with the sobs against his bare skin, feeling steady fingers pulling through her curls in a smooth, sure motion.

"You're alright, Freckles." His whisper was soft in her ear, aggrieved to see her in this broken condition. "You're alright, I got ya right here." His mantra whispered to her over and over again, a nightly thing for them to go through now. She'd wake up screaming from the same nightmare, he'd hold her in his arms and assure her that she was safe. He never asked her about her dreams, not after that first night when she'd begged him not to ask, when she'd whimpered and told him she couldn't say it, couldn't deal with the horrors that plagued her nights. She could see the loathing in his eyes for the unknown monster that haunted her world and destroyed her peace, but he accepted it and hated it in silence.

The ache was more concentrated now, in her stomach, her insides tumbling, making her feel almost nauseous as she stood there, buried in Sawyer's chest, taking in the warmth of his skin there beneath her reaching hands - hands opening and closing slowly and desperately against his back, fingers splaying out and she pressed tightly to him. She let her hands roll over his back, feeling out each defined muscle ripple under her palms, a normal, nightly practice that they fell into with ease. He didn't speak, but just let her feel out the way that his muscles tensed in worry for her. He was waiting in the silence for her nightly assurance. It would be the next thing spoken aloud, because it always was the sentence that broke their silence. It even sounded quite scripted at this point.

"I'm fine Sawyer. It was a nightmare." Her voice deadpanned over the words, trying to first detach herself from all the emotions that were flooding through her body after the wildfire let loose from her dream had burned them all out of her. "Just a nightmare."

"Been havin' lots of 'em lately."

"I'm fine Sawyer."

"No you're not." Sawyer's voice sounded annoyed and Kate had to pull back to look him in the eyes, her own gaze a bit shocked and almost like she was offended that he would deviate from the script that they had set up for themselves. He was pushing past to attempt something more and Kate needed to get him off that train of thought. If he asked her too much, she knew that she would eventually cave in and tell him. She didn't want that dream to exist out in the real world, even if only in words.

"Kate."

The moonlight peeked in through the flap of their tent, casting a shadow across his face as she looked at him, but she didn't need it to be able to see his face perfectly, to know the pain and worry that filled those stormy blue eyes. The ocean's waves were lapping against the shore and she tried to focus on that, tried to keep her mind from following Sawyer's lead.

Slowly she pulled herself from Sawyer's embrace and turned to cross the distance to the tent flap, pulling it back and looking around the beach at the peaceful setting displayed there at this hour of the night. The air was fresh and just the sight of it did wonders for her nerves. She scanned the tents that were around, eyes landing on the empty, flushed out tent that had once been her own, sitting there, just waiting for her. For a moment she considered going back to it to avoid the hurt of losing Sawyer in such a violent way. For a moment she thought about how detaching herself could be the answer to saving her sanity. She hadn't lived alone since she had been with Jack. She'd set up camp in Sawyer's tent the night it had ended, dealing with the inner turmoil and horrors that losing the baby had set loose in her life with Sawyer at her side.

She tried to push all those thoughts aside as she felt him coming up behind her, his arms folded about her from behind, like he had read her thoughts and was now holding her back from taking off on him. He wasn't going to just sit back and let her leave him, and certainly not in the state that she was currently in. She obviously needed to be taken care of, and he was going to be the one to stand by her and get her through it. She knew that Sawyer was going crazy with the large secret that she was holding back from him, worried about what it was she felt she couldn't share with him and worried about what it was doing to them. It had the power to destroy them. They were both aware of the possibilities of it, hanging over their heads, waiting for the impact that would set everything off, like the grenade with the pin pulled out, just waiting for the final blow before it would explode in a rain of smoke of flames.

"Sawyer." She sighed out his name, lips pursed, eyes a bit dull as she looked straight ahead of herself, not wanting to look back into his eyes just yet. "It was just a nightmare. It doesn't have to mean anything."

"I may be a lotta things Freckles, but one of 'um ain't stupid. Don't you go on thinkin' that I'm gonna accept that kinda answer much longer."

"Sawyer..."

"Enough, Freckles." His voice was final, eyes down on her form, moving to turn her around to force her to look up into his eyes. "I'm callin' bullshit."

"James, not now." Her voice was weak and pleading with him, using his real name for the full effect. It was important to her that he left it alone, her hands moved to press against his arms and he pulled back, hands thrown up in the air with a look of frustration taking over his features.

"The hell does that mean Freckles?" He snapped. "I been hearin' that song over and over again, and I'm damn tired of it. Its time ta change the station, one way or the other Kate. I won't---"

"James!" Kate interrupted him, her voice shaking slightly and she was stepping back towards the bed, hand outstretched in his direction. Her eyes glistened with more tears that she was barely fighting back. "I--- I know I haven't been easy to be around but... I'm trying James. For you – I just want you to give me a chance to deal with this my own way."

"I already did that Freckles." His voice was soft again, hand reaching out towards hers, taking it softly and crossing to follow her as she continued the trek back towards their shared bed. "I can't let you do this anymore. You gotta tell me what it is. You gotta let me help you Kate or it---" He stopped short, taking a deep breath as if to ready himself to say the words that Kate already knew were coming. She felt them in the air between them before he spoke. "Or else I'm gonna have to leave. I won't watch anyone hurt the woman I love... not even you, Freckles."

Kate collapsed into Sawyer's arms at his words, knowing them to be the truth, and she clung to him, shaking her head, face burying in his chest. "No... James, please..." She whimpered, clinging tightly to him as his arms moved down, one on her lower back, the other placed at the bend in her knees, and he gently pulled her up off the floor to support her body in his arms completely. He stood and rocked her trembling form for a moment as she whimpered out protests that sounded almost half-hearted in his ears, covering her temple and forehead with tender kisses. He took the last few steps towards their bed and slowly set her down upon it, moving down right next to her instantly so she didn't have to break her hold on him for long. His arms pulled her full up against his chest, his fingers inching under the hem of her tank top to roll just softly over the skin there.

"Ya got till tomorrow Freckles." He whispered to her softly. "You either gotta tell me what's been goin' on with you or tell me you want help gatherin' up all your stuff to move back to your old tent." Sawyer's voice was a bit rough as he whispered the words to her, he'd obviously seen the way she'd been eyeing the tent across the beach and recognized the significance of it. His hand caught her chin and pulled her eyes up to his. "Not tonight though. Tonight, I'll just take care of you again." Voice soft, eyes on hers as he lowered his mouth to brush his lips over the soft spot of her neck, hands slipping under her hem just a bit more with the intentions of distracting her from the nightmare and the hard truth he'd shown her, and give her a semblance of peace before she went to sleep.

His lips trailed up over her neck and finally landed on her waiting lips and he found himself to be relieved as she eagerly met his kiss with one of her own, once more feeling the strength of connection and love in their actions, possibly for the last time.

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